Tuesday, June 28, 2005

what a day @ 10:06 PM

Some day it is.. i think i got the worst luck today. never in my life have i been so so so unlucky. eeks. i should throw myself in a river or sth.. (its a metaphor, but it conveys my thoughts). I wasn't really going to kill myself, for the simple fact that life is wonderful (without school), and that i have no courage to die also. im much too young, and there's a lot of things that i've never seen yet. however, i still feel angry with myself. as in, real angry. i never feel so bad about myself before lor..

First thing in the morning : im without breakfast. lol. no big deal lar, almost everyone skip breakfast. then comes physical conditioning (PC), which is quite horrible. now my legs feel exactly like marigold jelly. the last lap, i can't run anymore.. omg feel real useless. i walked instead. am i that weak? its like i feel so out of breath that im almost gulping for air, struggling to breathe in life. i must be experiencing the moment even death, when people fights for breath. lucky for mi, air is all ard. straight after horrible PC, i got bio test in LT5, which is like a freezer, no less. i was shivering all the day thru the test. brain oso tio frozen. yucks. i left a qn blank, but hopefully can pass better than last time ba.. hopefully.
then later comes chem spa, the highlight of the day. horrible manz. i think tts the worst part of the day. quite confident at first, becos i understood all the instructions. then i did this teeny weeny wrong, which affects ALL my results. jus one step wrong. i regret not reading and rereading. argh. human error man. too proud liao.. haiz. i didn't realise that mistake until i did the very last part. sobz.. sobz.. felt like crying during the test, becos that's not all. i gotta be the most unorganised person in class. my hands got stained by a lot of potassium maganate. it turns kinda a murky brown on my hands, when it dries up. its supposed to be purple. i got spoilt pipette fillers. notice the "s" pls. i took one. its spoilt. i changed another one. spoilt again. another one. SPOilt AGAIN. its testing my patience honestly. wasted damn lots of time asking the lab tech to gif mi a new one. the whole experiment i was like freaking out. then i kenna attacked by sulphuric acid. i accidentally poured it on my hands. it feels all right at first, so i continue to pipette my solution. after a while, it burns right on my palms. it stings. and it hurts. its a kind of pain i never experience before lor. pain plus itch. and produce a kind of burning feeling, such that u feel that the flesh beneath ur skin is corroding. at the pt of time, im real scared. argh.. then i felt really mad about being so clumsy. clumsy clumsy clumsy. blur blur blur. sigh..

all this kind of affected my mood for the rest of the day. luckily ah gong cheered mi up a bit, by asking mi to go for some concert. at least i got something to look fwd to. there's math tutorial tml, and i haven complete my assignments. grrr. if i can change myself, i want to be a math whiz. genius even better. aha. no chance.. simply no chance.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

what a day @ 10:06 PM

Some day it is.. i think i got the worst luck today. never in my life have i been so so so unlucky. eeks. i should throw myself in a river or sth.. (its a metaphor, but it conveys my thoughts). I wasn't really going to kill myself, for the simple fact that life is wonderful (without school), and that i have no courage to die also. im much too young, and there's a lot of things that i've never seen yet. however, i still feel angry with myself. as in, real angry. i never feel so bad about myself before lor..

First thing in the morning : im without breakfast. lol. no big deal lar, almost everyone skip breakfast. then comes physical conditioning (PC), which is quite horrible. now my legs feel exactly like marigold jelly. the last lap, i can't run anymore.. omg feel real useless. i walked instead. am i that weak? its like i feel so out of breath that im almost gulping for air, struggling to breathe in life. i must be experiencing the moment even death, when people fights for breath. lucky for mi, air is all ard. straight after horrible PC, i got bio test in LT5, which is like a freezer, no less. i was shivering all the day thru the test. brain oso tio frozen. yucks. i left a qn blank, but hopefully can pass better than last time ba.. hopefully.
then later comes chem spa, the highlight of the day. horrible manz. i think tts the worst part of the day. quite confident at first, becos i understood all the instructions. then i did this teeny weeny wrong, which affects ALL my results. jus one step wrong. i regret not reading and rereading. argh. human error man. too proud liao.. haiz. i didn't realise that mistake until i did the very last part. sobz.. sobz.. felt like crying during the test, becos that's not all. i gotta be the most unorganised person in class. my hands got stained by a lot of potassium maganate. it turns kinda a murky brown on my hands, when it dries up. its supposed to be purple. i got spoilt pipette fillers. notice the "s" pls. i took one. its spoilt. i changed another one. spoilt again. another one. SPOilt AGAIN. its testing my patience honestly. wasted damn lots of time asking the lab tech to gif mi a new one. the whole experiment i was like freaking out. then i kenna attacked by sulphuric acid. i accidentally poured it on my hands. it feels all right at first, so i continue to pipette my solution. after a while, it burns right on my palms. it stings. and it hurts. its a kind of pain i never experience before lor. pain plus itch. and produce a kind of burning feeling, such that u feel that the flesh beneath ur skin is corroding. at the pt of time, im real scared. argh.. then i felt really mad about being so clumsy. clumsy clumsy clumsy. blur blur blur. sigh..

all this kind of affected my mood for the rest of the day. luckily ah gong cheered mi up a bit, by asking mi to go for some concert. at least i got something to look fwd to. there's math tutorial tml, and i haven complete my assignments. grrr. if i can change myself, i want to be a math whiz. genius even better. aha. no chance.. simply no chance.