Thursday, November 10, 2005

thinking abt christmas.. @ 11:50 AM

I KNOW it's early to think about christmas at this period of time. But I've just finished all my exams for the year, so allow me to fantasize yar? =) A lot of people say that christmas is a time where miracles happen. And I've read many stories about them.. Then I was wondering, will it happen to me? I need some miracles, oh yes, i do. No matter how hard I try to forget about that incident, it keep sticking in my head. I couldn't get it outta my head. i couldnt, cldnt, cldnt, cldnt. Maybe cos it's too important to me, i just cannot let it go. so i can't wait for christmas, and see if things will improve a bit. Just a tiny bit, and I'll be real happy. That will be the best christmas present I ever have then =))) the second best should be "the lion king" dvd for me =)) and the third best is a box of wonderful chocolates! =)

PW is officially over!! Wahaha. Even when im daydreaming, i will have this insane smile playing on my lips. Cos pw is over!! Deleted the whole pw folder away happily, all the while with the same insane smile. No more nightmares about thiol compounds and pw meetings! Anyway the questions posted to me are very difficult =X It's about chemistry. GOSH. I was standing there, panicking and blabbering some rubbish answer out. Just my luck that a chemistry teacher was my assessor that day. Luckily chitra and pam says I'm still ok. Not too bad. I expected myself to start crying or something. When I was presenting my stuff, the assessors and moderator were smiling at me. lol. It sorta calm my nerves. And with my classmates as audience, I wasn't too nervous, though i stumbled a few times. But let me console myself by saying "to err is human". haha.

Having insomania again ~ Could not sleep for the past few days. It's about 3 plus am before I fall asleep. Bad thoughts keep running over my head, and for some reason, I carried these thoughts to my dreams, and when i woke up, i simply cried. Not wailing or anything - but just silently tearing. There's this horrible dream about me getting hit by a car.. and gosh. there's lots of blood. lots and lots of blood. I died. *sobss* And i had this dream for many many days. It's simply haunting me. My dreams involve a lot of deaths. Some other nightmares include my family members dying, my friends dying, etc. And i was real sad in every one of them. To relive this kind of pain every single night is awful. Besides sadness, I feel regret. I dunno why.. =X I don't want to have this kind of nightmares again. I'm so very disturbed.

As we grow up, our world grow more and more glamourous. With tons of friends and beautiful things. Everything was cool. But think back - how many friends actually told you this; "I'll always be there for you" and fulfil it?

Thursday, November 10, 2005

thinking abt christmas.. @ 11:50 AM

I KNOW it's early to think about christmas at this period of time. But I've just finished all my exams for the year, so allow me to fantasize yar? =) A lot of people say that christmas is a time where miracles happen. And I've read many stories about them.. Then I was wondering, will it happen to me? I need some miracles, oh yes, i do. No matter how hard I try to forget about that incident, it keep sticking in my head. I couldn't get it outta my head. i couldnt, cldnt, cldnt, cldnt. Maybe cos it's too important to me, i just cannot let it go. so i can't wait for christmas, and see if things will improve a bit. Just a tiny bit, and I'll be real happy. That will be the best christmas present I ever have then =))) the second best should be "the lion king" dvd for me =)) and the third best is a box of wonderful chocolates! =)

PW is officially over!! Wahaha. Even when im daydreaming, i will have this insane smile playing on my lips. Cos pw is over!! Deleted the whole pw folder away happily, all the while with the same insane smile. No more nightmares about thiol compounds and pw meetings! Anyway the questions posted to me are very difficult =X It's about chemistry. GOSH. I was standing there, panicking and blabbering some rubbish answer out. Just my luck that a chemistry teacher was my assessor that day. Luckily chitra and pam says I'm still ok. Not too bad. I expected myself to start crying or something. When I was presenting my stuff, the assessors and moderator were smiling at me. lol. It sorta calm my nerves. And with my classmates as audience, I wasn't too nervous, though i stumbled a few times. But let me console myself by saying "to err is human". haha.

Having insomania again ~ Could not sleep for the past few days. It's about 3 plus am before I fall asleep. Bad thoughts keep running over my head, and for some reason, I carried these thoughts to my dreams, and when i woke up, i simply cried. Not wailing or anything - but just silently tearing. There's this horrible dream about me getting hit by a car.. and gosh. there's lots of blood. lots and lots of blood. I died. *sobss* And i had this dream for many many days. It's simply haunting me. My dreams involve a lot of deaths. Some other nightmares include my family members dying, my friends dying, etc. And i was real sad in every one of them. To relive this kind of pain every single night is awful. Besides sadness, I feel regret. I dunno why.. =X I don't want to have this kind of nightmares again. I'm so very disturbed.

As we grow up, our world grow more and more glamourous. With tons of friends and beautiful things. Everything was cool. But think back - how many friends actually told you this; "I'll always be there for you" and fulfil it?